"Absence weakens mediocre passions, and strengthens the great ones, like the wind blows out candles yet ignites the fire."
--François de La Rouchefoucauld (from Maximes)
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
a long comment
i responded to one of ethan's blogs, and it was so dang long, and ive been thinking about this anyway, so i just thought i'd copy it and put it somewhere...this is where i decided...if you want more context, you can read ethan's post first :)
suffice it to say i know exactly how you feel. feel. get it? i am similar to you in the way that i always think i need to be feeling something, i always ask to be more strongly sensitive of feelings, to be more passionate.
i asked for that for a long time. i know christians talk a lot about how we only seem to seek God when things are going badly, when we're at our last straw...as opposed to when things are going well.
i suppose you could say i did this a few years ago (and still do it now, that doesn't change completely) but i felt that i was always seeking God, but, darnit, he just wasn't showing up at my doorstep everyday.
I don't say this to scare you, but for me, during that time, God hit me with some pretty tough trials, as i would call them, or just difficult life things to deal with, and although it was one of the hardest times of my life, i felt him the strongest...like i asked him...as if he said, ok, but first you're going to have to give up these securities you're holding on to...
anyway, i never forget that, and after that, i think God showed me that he was always there, i was just looking to hard, if that makes sense. It's so easy to want to feel all the time, and to a certain degree you can, but the wind blows harder at some times than at others. sometimes it knocks us down, sometimes it's cold, sometimes you don't feel it, but the wind is just the air moving. air is always moving but we can't be angry if it doesn't always give us goosebumps.
i think one of the main problems with humans is the way we perceive expectations. My mom told about a sermon she heard about the way we turn verbs into nouns...like expectation...think of it as "to expect" To expect something is:
to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of; to look for with reason or justification;
it's an anticipation, because we don't know what it's going to be like...if we already have "expectations" that means we have already decided what we think should and will happen, and the way it should play out, etc...and if it doesn't happen this way, we get pissed. this is a huge problem in marriage as well...
if we change our idea of expectation to mean we expect, or look forward to, what God has for us,....we aren't as easily disappointed. we look forward with reason, but not with an already bitter, doubtful attitude.
just something to think about. but know that most people feel this way, and everyone goes through tough times. we all love you and are here for you. thanks for reminding us how important being aware of God is.
sorry this is so long! :)
suffice it to say i know exactly how you feel. feel. get it? i am similar to you in the way that i always think i need to be feeling something, i always ask to be more strongly sensitive of feelings, to be more passionate.
i asked for that for a long time. i know christians talk a lot about how we only seem to seek God when things are going badly, when we're at our last straw...as opposed to when things are going well.
i suppose you could say i did this a few years ago (and still do it now, that doesn't change completely) but i felt that i was always seeking God, but, darnit, he just wasn't showing up at my doorstep everyday.
I don't say this to scare you, but for me, during that time, God hit me with some pretty tough trials, as i would call them, or just difficult life things to deal with, and although it was one of the hardest times of my life, i felt him the strongest...like i asked him...as if he said, ok, but first you're going to have to give up these securities you're holding on to...
anyway, i never forget that, and after that, i think God showed me that he was always there, i was just looking to hard, if that makes sense. It's so easy to want to feel all the time, and to a certain degree you can, but the wind blows harder at some times than at others. sometimes it knocks us down, sometimes it's cold, sometimes you don't feel it, but the wind is just the air moving. air is always moving but we can't be angry if it doesn't always give us goosebumps.
i think one of the main problems with humans is the way we perceive expectations. My mom told about a sermon she heard about the way we turn verbs into nouns...like expectation...think of it as "to expect" To expect something is:
to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of; to look for with reason or justification;
it's an anticipation, because we don't know what it's going to be like...if we already have "expectations" that means we have already decided what we think should and will happen, and the way it should play out, etc...and if it doesn't happen this way, we get pissed. this is a huge problem in marriage as well...
if we change our idea of expectation to mean we expect, or look forward to, what God has for us,....we aren't as easily disappointed. we look forward with reason, but not with an already bitter, doubtful attitude.
just something to think about. but know that most people feel this way, and everyone goes through tough times. we all love you and are here for you. thanks for reminding us how important being aware of God is.
sorry this is so long! :)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
walkin' n' thinkin'
walking eli around north knoxville,
dogs barking,
new old houses painted mint green, pink, yellow, purple and blue.
construction and beat up sidewalks,
spotted cloudy blue sky,
flocks of birds swim like schools of fish.
35 degree air pleasantly stings my nose,
crisp like a cucumber.
ryan adams hugging my ears,
smiling at cars driving by.
comfortably anxious,
sadly happy.
the only thing that would make knoxville better right now,
would make it unbearably wonderful:
the monastery 4 years ago,
a fire and chocolate.
sigur ros, david bazan, justin vernon.
ben, mark, jacob and ali,
james and abby, david,
andrea and barrett, hooper,
wes, paul, luke pettit,
alyson, huckleberry,
couches in the forest
and a machete in the grass.
i miss my friends.
dogs barking,
new old houses painted mint green, pink, yellow, purple and blue.
construction and beat up sidewalks,
spotted cloudy blue sky,
flocks of birds swim like schools of fish.
35 degree air pleasantly stings my nose,
crisp like a cucumber.
ryan adams hugging my ears,
smiling at cars driving by.
comfortably anxious,
sadly happy.
the only thing that would make knoxville better right now,
would make it unbearably wonderful:
the monastery 4 years ago,
a fire and chocolate.
sigur ros, david bazan, justin vernon.
ben, mark, jacob and ali,
james and abby, david,
andrea and barrett, hooper,
wes, paul, luke pettit,
alyson, huckleberry,
couches in the forest
and a machete in the grass.
i miss my friends.
Guillaume Apollinaire
I have to take "comps" in early April to be able to graduate from my masters program. The task is quite daunting...I am pretty much responsible for about 30 different works of French literature (novels, mostly) from 3 different centuries. I have 2 written exams, about 6 hours each, on two different days, and an oral exam, in which I will be talking about the 25 page paper I will have written. Anyway, so I have been trying to go one day at a time and it's almost like studying for a test every night, but it hasn't been too bad. I have already read about half the books from previous classes.
Yesterday I was studying/reading a bit of the surréaliste poets from the early 1900s: Apollinaire, Bréton, etc. I read a poem I read about 3 years ago by Apollinaire, and I like it, so I thought I'd share it, probably very roughly translated, in English. He was actually the one to coin the word "surrealism," although this is one of his more traditional, lyrical poems:
--Guillaume Apollinaire
Yesterday I was studying/reading a bit of the surréaliste poets from the early 1900s: Apollinaire, Bréton, etc. I read a poem I read about 3 years ago by Apollinaire, and I like it, so I thought I'd share it, probably very roughly translated, in English. He was actually the one to coin the word "surrealism," although this is one of his more traditional, lyrical poems:
Le Pont Mirabeau
(The Mirabeau Bridge)
(The Mirabeau Bridge)
underneath the Mirabeau Bridge flows the Seine
and our loves
must I remember this
joy always comes after pain
come night sound the hour
the days go by I remain
hand in hand remain face to face
while underneath
the bridge our arms cross
the waters so weary endless regards
come night sound the hour
the days go by I remain
love goes away like this water flows
love goes away
how life is slow
and how hope is violent
come night sound the hour
the days go by I remain
pass by days and pass by weeks
neither time past
nor love returns
underneath the Mirabeau Bridge flows the Seine
come night sound the hour
the days go by I remain
must I remember this
joy always comes after pain
come night sound the hour
the days go by I remain
hand in hand remain face to face
while underneath
the bridge our arms cross
the waters so weary endless regards
come night sound the hour
the days go by I remain
love goes away like this water flows
love goes away
how life is slow
and how hope is violent
come night sound the hour
the days go by I remain
pass by days and pass by weeks
neither time past
nor love returns
underneath the Mirabeau Bridge flows the Seine
come night sound the hour
the days go by I remain
--Guillaume Apollinaire
Friday, January 9, 2009
Old house, Second house, Rental house, New rules
This was my first Christmas break spent at my family's new (even though we've had it for 10 years) official home in Cherokee, Alabama, right by Pickwick Lake of the Tennessee River. They finally sold our house in Memphis in May of 2008 after being on the market for over 3 years. They ended up switching houses with a couple they knew from church, who had always liked our house.
The house they bought is about half the size of our old one, half the price, half everything, really. And, it is only one subdivision over from our old house. They decided to rent the house out and happened to found a renter right away.
The renter is a 26 year old woman, barbie doll-looking, as my mom described her, "in dental school" (but not really), has a pit bull dog, about which my parents have received phone calls from neighbors complaining of it barking and being scary, has a big black Cadillac, and a big black boy friend. Everything about the situation seemed a little sketchy, and the only thing you could really infer was that she either inherited a butt-load of money, or something else.
It turned out to be the "something else." My parents received several phone calls the other day informing them that there was a huge drug bust that morning at our rental house: 10 cop cars in front of the house, arrest of the barbie, and many other drug busts on the same day :
So, we had a criminal living in our rental house. Wow. It's sad and scary, but I sort of had to laugh, too. For anyone who is from Memphis, this is something one would not be particularly shocked about, but unlikely for Cordova, a relatively newish suburb of Memphis (maybe 20 years old), that just recently got dragged into the city limits after 10 years of fighting it. I mean, this is like the West Town of Knoxville, and I was pretty surprised it happened in lil' Cordova.
Cities move. Crime moves. Crime happens. Shit happens.
Sometimes I miss Memphis. Sometimes I don't. But I grew up there, my memories are there, and part of me still lives there. I still love Memphis.
The house they bought is about half the size of our old one, half the price, half everything, really. And, it is only one subdivision over from our old house. They decided to rent the house out and happened to found a renter right away.
The renter is a 26 year old woman, barbie doll-looking, as my mom described her, "in dental school" (but not really), has a pit bull dog, about which my parents have received phone calls from neighbors complaining of it barking and being scary, has a big black Cadillac, and a big black boy friend. Everything about the situation seemed a little sketchy, and the only thing you could really infer was that she either inherited a butt-load of money, or something else.
It turned out to be the "something else." My parents received several phone calls the other day informing them that there was a huge drug bust that morning at our rental house: 10 cop cars in front of the house, arrest of the barbie, and many other drug busts on the same day :
INDICTMENT, ARRESTS AND SEARCH WARRANTS
IN MARIJUANA AND MONEY LAUNDERING CONSPIRACY CASE
So, we had a criminal living in our rental house. Wow. It's sad and scary, but I sort of had to laugh, too. For anyone who is from Memphis, this is something one would not be particularly shocked about, but unlikely for Cordova, a relatively newish suburb of Memphis (maybe 20 years old), that just recently got dragged into the city limits after 10 years of fighting it. I mean, this is like the West Town of Knoxville, and I was pretty surprised it happened in lil' Cordova.
Cities move. Crime moves. Crime happens. Shit happens.
Sometimes I miss Memphis. Sometimes I don't. But I grew up there, my memories are there, and part of me still lives there. I still love Memphis.
Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.
Ben sent me this a while ago, and it is one of the best things I've ever seen. This little girl is incredibly cute and the fact that she speaks French just quadruples it's cuteness.
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