I may not always love you...OH WAIT!! '08

I may not always love you but as long as there are stars above you, you never need to doubt it. I'll make you so sure about it. God only knows what I'd be without you.
You never know what's going to go down in your life, you know? I like to think about how screwed up my life would be if all the things i thought i really wanted at one time had come true. Even though there are some things that i definitely regretted after thinking or saying them, there are still other circumstances that i have wished with all my heart. Let's just pretend all these things had come into play:
First of all, i would be dead, because of the many times i yelled "i wish i were dead! or "I hate you!" or "I want daddy (or whoever didn't discipline me that particular time)!" between muffled cries after a hard spanking from one of my loving parents. Now, if that's not enough to break a parent's heart or worry them sick about the psychological wellness of their child, i don't know what would.
But, if that wish had not come true, i would be married to Richard, my financé at age 4, who i thought was "the one," but whom i had to leave when my parents moved houses and i started a new school (Kindergarten).
Or, i could have hooked up with all the cute "perfect" guys i had crushes on and ended up either addicted to some drug, pregnant without a husband, or married to some alcoholic, sports-obsessed lawyer prick who spends his nights with other "lady-friends."
Or i could have ended up with a great guy who just wasn't the guy perfect for me. Being fine, but not really happy. Feeling free but not really yourself. Seeming in the same book, but not quite on the same page. Looking into someone's eyes, but always wondering "what if..." Wanting security but not being able to let yourself go. These are some of the many reasons why what we want is not always what's best for us. The unexpected can be the best thing that's ever happened to you. I thought i new what i wanted, but i'm sure as hell glad that all i've ever wanted didn't come true.
Now i find myself still amazed at the way my life has played out, and so thankful to God that i have had the pain and the struggles and the shit and the bliss that i have, because i am different now, and i have someone who is different with me, and with whom i want to change and grow.
I have no doubts, and I don't think "what if" when i look into his eyes.